Hum.

I got a text message today, it suggested I call into Talk of the Nation, an NPR show. The subtext was that I should angrily call in, demanding that in fact this "Army of New Teachers" our schools need exists already: I am one of them.

I feel invisible Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education. I'm right here. I pay my rent with bar money. I live in a basement. I'm extremely qualified. Have glowing recommendations. Have a fucking Master's Degree. In fact, I've had that since I was 24. Some people might consider that an accomplishment.

It hurts me, to be ignored. I'm worried, that in this coming year I won't have a job in my field, and in the following year, I'm worried lacking 2 years of experience, I'll be less qualified, and fail to qualify for license renewal.

I'm angry. I'm not entitled. I don't feel fulfilled. I don't feel challenged. I don't feel like I'm helping. I question the values of higher education.

And so today I also got an email. Happy interviews sometimes, it seems turn into unfortunate emails. Why didn't I get that job? Should I move to LA if they want me in the fall?

It's hard for me to move. Places weigh heavily on me. I'm deeply connected to place. People are ok too. Humble in all the wrong ways.