Impossible

Something about the distance between myself and Indian cinema made the cliche, horrible monstrosity of gender drama bearable. Pyaar Impossible used that male gaze pretty well. Some of the more classic up the legs / descending a staircase / silhouette on the beach moves that Hollywood burned, literally, into film. Well it's more of a exothermic chemical reaction, like burning --and true some theaters, film production studios and the like burned, so yeah, they literally burned it --into our consciousness. You can't literally burn consciousness. You can't literally consciousness, mostly it can't function in a sentence this way --that's why.

Making students write This I Believe essays is like, ultimate irony I guess. Judgment on beliefs really, as something good, solid, tangible. I believe? I don't really.

I know. I can. I do. I am. I believe? Only as a matter of intellectual diddling. Nothing of import do I believe.

I wish. Oh, ya. I certainly want. I need. But believe? Not really.

I skeeze. I wince. I coffet. I mince. I buffet. That's the 'b' I need.

Entrepreneur

Sometimes, while watching Yojimbo I think that maybe I invented things, and people just don't know.

Like the microwave. Yeah, I invented one of those once.
Like a fist-full of cash. That's all me. Totally invented that.
Salt and Pepper as a pair? Co-author ship. Me and Jim Whitley.

Jim Whitley. Just made him up. Pretty great guy though. Got me my first job, dishwasher repairman.

Like the idea of repairing things. First to do it: Me.

Oh come on Yojimbo just bring in the big guy with the sword for horsemen. The Best Parts.

Germs.

I never pick a flower, probably out of some absurd obligation to not kill things that I think are beautiful. Mostly selfish, it seems.

Ran over a possum on purpose once. Sped up to hit it. Thought it may have dodged the wheels, then thump. Midway down the car, and it was gone. I don't feel bad, but I wouldn't do it again.

Put flowers in my hat sometimes. Wonky. Something people say nowadays in reference to something I don't know, or care to find out, unless it gets me a girlfriend which it won't.

In a 3 minute walk between here and there, when I'm by myself, I've written a novel. Then, I can't tell anyone. The change of scenery makes it disappear. Mediums in transition I suppose.

Suggested a guy pour some stuff on a caterpillar the other day, watching it writhe and mime screams of bloody murder I realized that it was really my doing, double. Seeded and didn't stop.

Imagining my leg is in more pain than it is, or that maybe my leg will be broken at some point in the future and I'll have a story to tell about that. It makes me famous; but I want to avoid it.

Logs.

Something about chaps and how if you wore them backwards they'd only protect you from snakes as you stepped over a log.

Revertis Al Buentia Con Flasvor.

Inspired by They Might Be Giants, The Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes, Ren and Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life in that order but from now backwards.

Anyway I've been listening to The Music Man a lot recently a few months ago. "Montgomery Ward sent me a bathtub and a crosscut saw."

I heard this interview with MS and TP with TG recently in a car and since I've seen all their faces everywhere recently I won't say directly who they are, but let's just say that at least one of them like musicals a fair amount and it has effect the cartoon with which he is a co-creator.

My domination of the English language impresses even you noble reader. One day, when I'm quoted widely you'll say "That man was the paragon of man. That man, Noble Satiris." Your quote won't be that widely retold, admittedly dorky.

Oh, yea dramatica.

Amniexity?
It combines anxiety and amnesia.
I forgot that yesterday, in the throes of such a fit.
Get in bed for 20 seconds,
then get out and finish planning.

It's amazing how well taking my pants off serves to get the brain working.
Huzzah.

Grr.

I thought I'd outline what how I really feel right now, instead of having some sideways talk.


I don't want to be teaching or in school anymore, and it's really pretty unpleasant. What I would do instead, is unclear. This is I guess, scary. But that's not really the word. It's unpleasant. It's unstable.

Whenever I have to plan for teaching, I don't feel passionate. I feel frustrated. I've got good ideas, that turn out pretty well. People tell me, "I'm a born teacher" and that makes me feel like I'm trapped.

Classes, I can sit through about 30 minutes. It feels like wasted time, stuff I already know, already have opinions on, and the right kind of opinions at that. Taking time to do classwork; reading, paper writing, feel impossible to carve out. I'm not committed to it.

I started writing about things I'd rather be doing. None of them are teaching. I'm writing this instead of planning lessons. I'm in debt, I feel obligated to finish, frustrated by the lack of jobs, and frustrated more by the fact that I don't want those jobs. Even in the best, most aligned with my own beliefs, schools that I've seen I can't stand the administration, the expectations, the atmosphere. I don't believe I have the authority to teach students, or even care to teach them.

I want to do stuff with my hands.
I want to go on a date.
I don't want to teach.
I don't want to go to school.

Those are my distilled feelings at this moment.

Question

A mistake people make when judging others is that they allow their own value systems to take precedence over another value system. Take me for example, it's my forum after all. Severe haircuts, not a popular choice for older generations and consequently they lead to direct questioning; "Why did you do that to your hair?" Etc.

But to be fair, my own system allows not for suits, commuter culture, and acceptance of modern architecture. I will not abide the polished, the consequently dishonest, ephemera of contemporary life. For me it's community and bodily enjoyment. Sacrifice doesn't come from plugging away at an unhappy job for 30 years, it comes from sweating.

So when life becomes something I'm not into, I make a physical change. Not that I value Ayn Rand, she is problematic, but compromise and being complicit with things that don't sit well just seems like a poor way to start the foundation of a career. I cut my hair and at least that tells the world that I walk both paths, that I can do your job just as well and that I refuse to do it. Arguably though, this is a poor choice.

beaucoup dépend de la neige chaque nuit

Ya, the french;
So much depends et all.
The re/whee, Will CarWil.

But like, Joyce, "The Dead" and blanketing?
It's so far off.
The snow,
so much depends on the snow each night.

The dampening of sound,
The lightening of night.
A surprise!

Being born I guess
Getting out some paper
Walking around.

Coveralls likely,
Warming nest walking around and sledding;
It doesn't go down into buttcracks on slideoffs

Tricky saucers.
Still though,
In the boots.

I don't think the French sled.
Probably go down hills
on plates.

Cracking, splitting, little jabs.
Plastic does it too,
Sometimes.

Wisdom of the ages though,
all they talk about,
symbolize.

Snow?
Few years since
I've really been down in the mud.

CB v CB

If Charles Bronson
wrote poetry
like
Charles Bukowski
acted
in Death Wish 3
they'd still
be making Death
Wishes.

Rather 8

I'd rather be in James Joyce book club in which we imbibe some debauchery, and also drink scotch.

This is just straight to the point. Needs no clarifying. It will happen, soon.

Albatross.

Albatross. I immediately associate two things here: Albert Ross and Jessica Alba. Now that I write that second one, I understand the association -the keyalba. A. R. is obvious. One of those repeat, repeat, repeat. My iterations. Recently it's been fatbaby. In the past, dolphin or actually just the concept of dolphins. This was on the tip of my tongue for a few years. Never really said it though. Thought about making one out of papermâché, inviting unknowing friends over for a party. They find the dolphin takes up most of the space.

They rejoice; they discover; the dolphin filled with beer and sausage bursts.

This should have been a Rather, but it's really too negative. Rather is a positive experience, a redirection. Like an appositive, it redefines. It's not left-branching though. Was reminded of coffee + toast = $2. Simple, elegant, rather do it.

Instead of that role, teacher stalks my life. Blarf. Put that nose down. Grind it off. Now you're a teacher and you hate it, but you're good and you're me. People say, 'you're born to do it' and they're talking to me, and I'm thinking about how much I'd rather be doing something else. 'Put more energy into it' was the comment from a 12 year old. No, I'd rather not.

Fallow

Pope-ing
Some words can't follow the trend
Rope to Roping
Dope to Doping
Mope to Moping.
But Pope to Poping.
That's not the write sound,
Doesn't follow the rules.
Leave it to the Pope to break the rules,
Least likely character
Seems like there should be a latin phrase for that.
Bet the pope would know it.